Betrayal Trauma: The Emotional Impact, Why it Happens, and How to Move Forward
Today, let's talk about something that hits deep: betrayal trauma. It's that gut-wrenching feeling when someone we trust stabs us in the back. We'll dig into what exactly betrayal trauma is, how it messes with our emotional health and nervous system, why it hits us so hard, and most importantly, how we can bounce back and heal. So grab a cup of tea and let's dive in!
What is Betrayal Trauma?
Betrayal trauma is like a tidal wave of emotions that crashes over us when we discover that someone we deeply trusted has deceived or hurt us. It can take many forms, such as infidelity, emotional abuse, lying, secrecy, or any other behavior that violates our trust in a significant way. The impact of betrayal trauma can be absolutely brutal. It takes a toll on our emotional well-being, leaving us feeling depressed, anxious, and filled with anger and shame. It's like a hurricane tearing through our self-esteem and our ability to trust others, leaving us feeling completely shaken. You may find yourself wondering why you can’t “just get over it and move on”.
Why does it hurt so much?
Now, why does betrayal trauma hit us like a ton of bricks? Well, our brains are wired to seek safety and predictability. When someone we felt safe with breaks that trust, it shatters our sense of security. Suddenly, the world feels like a chaotic and unpredictable place. We find ourselves having a harder time feeling safe and comfortable connecting with others because our brain is now constantly on the lookout for potential betrayals. This hypervigilance and hurt triggers us to be in a constant state of stress and disconnection, which makes it far more difficult to shift into a state of being and feeling safe and social.
How to Heal From Betrayal Trauma
But fear not, my friend! There are ways to heal and find our footing again after betrayal trauma. Here are a few strategies to get you started:
1. Don't go it alone - Reach out for support. Surround yourself with people who can provide emotional support and validation. Friends, family, or a therapist can be a lifeline during these tough times.
2. Take care of yourself - Prioritize self-care like it's your job. Engage in activities that make you feel good, whether it's exercising, meditating, or diving into hobbies that bring you joy. Nurture yourself, because you deserve it.
3. Set boundaries - This is crucial. Take charge of your own well-being by establishing clear boundaries. Communicate what is and isn't acceptable to you, whether it's in terms of communication, time spent together, or behaviors that trigger painful memories. Don't be afraid to protect yourself.
4. Practice forgiveness - Now, forgiveness can be a real tough cookie to crack. It's not about excusing the betrayal, but rather freeing yourself from the pain that's holding you back. Holding onto resentment only prolongs the shattered sense of security and prevents forgiveness from taking place. Acknowledge your feelings of hurt or anger, and then actively work on releasing them. Journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or finding other healthy outlets can be helpful ways to process your emotions and begin the healing process. It's a process that takes time and self-reflection. Embrace it if and when you're ready.
5. Seek professional help - Sometimes, the wounds run too deep to heal on our own. A therapist specialized in trauma can provide invaluable guidance and support as you navigate the path to healing. I have found EMDR Therapy and parts work to be very helpful in supporting my clients to heal from the impact of this type of trauma.
Betrayal trauma is a brutal blow to our emotional health and nervous system. But with support, self-care, boundaries, forgiveness, and maybe even some professional help, we can mend our hearts and move forward. Remember, healing takes time, so be patient with yourself. You've got this, and there's a bright future of safe, positive relationships waiting for you on the other side of what feels like an earth shattering betrayal.
